if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
