And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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