I cockslap morals
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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