I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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