Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
