But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize