I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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