Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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