So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
