both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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