Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
