We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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