Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
