The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
