I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You have to summon your inner elephant
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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