my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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