i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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