party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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