i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
