We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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