Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
