imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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