How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
