I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think your dad took our porno
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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