He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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