are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
