maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
