I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
