sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
