I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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