guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
