Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
