Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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