There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
