I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we're so committed to being not committed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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