Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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