Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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