the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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