im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
