I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
