so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
