The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
