This girl is more easily done than said...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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