ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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