I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
