Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize