end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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