Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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