My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have post one night stand depression
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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