I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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