i permit you to call me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i think my cat just said my name.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
