I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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