He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
