obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
