May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
