evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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