I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
